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June 3rd marked the
release of the most anticipated film of all time (finally knocking 'Weekend
at Bernie's 2' from it's number one position).
Star Wars - Episode 1, the Phantom
Menace.
Apparently there is some sort of
war going on in this one which is I guess where the name comes from. I
always thought that the name was a bit of false advertising and that they
should have called it Star Rebel Uprising. Not quite as catchy though.
With my digital camera in hand
and my sister and her boyfriend in tow I sought to record this momentous
event for prosperity.
I arrived in the city
at 7:04 and was passed by these characters.
I think I'm in the right place.
 This
is the line,...
 at
7:05. It stretches up,...
the mall about 50 meters.
and began accumulating
before 11 a.m.
I left the city again, and when I returned
at 10:30 the line had tripled in length. The characters in the crowd were
a great deal of entertainment.
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This lovely lass is trying to look
like her character so she's not smiling. Either that or she's livid that
her geek boyfriend made her dress up like this when she wanted to see 'Much
ado about nothing'. |
| The staff had better
be careful that this person doesn't hang them self with their costume when
they discover how disappointing the film is. |
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If the cops looked like this I
reckon they'd get a lot more respect.
On a different note, Isn't it interested
that so many geeks think that than can pass them selves off as Harrison
Ford? |
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This has got to be the most half-assed
sword fight pose I've ever seen. Oh, I also love the way this guy is showing
his devotion by wearing a Star Wars shirt. Like we don't know that from
the fact that he's been there since 11:30 a.m. ? |
| That's no moon!
I'm sorry. That poor woman's condition
is obviously a huge burden on her life and almost definitely has nothing
to do with just a lack of will power and I wish her no ill will, but I
couldn't let the notion that she wore a grey cardigan on purpose go. Just
to finish the effect she should be holding a wok lid. |
|
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This is the pissiest R2-D2 I've
ever seen. |
| Suit's and lightsabres
do not go together. Geeks them all. |
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These guys were first in line.
They've been there for ages. And quite frankly if they weren't dressed
up to the hilt I'd have been severely disappointed. If you're going to
be fanatical about something then go FANATICAL!!!
I think that that's another 'Much
ado about nothing' fan on the left. |
| Oh the torment, the
struggle between the forces of evil and the forces of good. The struggle
of my distaste for Star Wars geekdom and my incessant adoration for cute
women with red hair. |
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The brainwashing has begun. The
new generation will have no option but to buy Star Wars. It will be ingrained
in their psyche. |
| Another light sabre
in a sea of green rods. It's like that scene out of fantasia with
all the brooms,.. if the brooms from fantasia were irradiated. |
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This is my favourite guy from the
night. This gentleman wandered up the line of people who have had their
tickets for weeks holding out his $12 ticket yelling "Star Wars ticket
$10!"
This guy is confused with the crucial
part of scalping. The best part is that apparently he got busted. |
| So can I take a video
recorder in if I don't tape the audio? |
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This is Luc, I know Luc from Theatre
sports. He works at the Myer centre cinema's. He is barely containing his
excitement about getting to work until 2:15 in the morning. |
At one point I was approached to
engage in an interview with some REALLY CUTE uni students. Why is it that
whenever I'm doing these things I forget to take pictures of the attractive
people I encounter? I couldn't find anyone who believed me about the blonde
chick in my other adventure.
I was sadly too bedazzled by their
individual beauty to ask them there names (DOY, that's going to make stalking
them a problem) so from now on I shall refer to them as the Camera Babe,
and Sexy Beanie Girl (SBG)
SBG: What does Star Wars mean to
you?
Me: It is a soap opera chockers
with special effects, that's the only selling point of it. I mean, what
the hell is that? 'You're my father.', 'He's my sister'. What the hell
is that?
SBG: So you weren't around for
the original?
Me: Oh yeah. I've seen this damn
trilogy, like nine times or something. I mean once you get to that stage
you basically say "Nuh. It's a movie, they're latex puppets, yeah that's
pretty much it."
SBG: So do you have the guts to
say that to any of these big arse fans out the front here?
Me: OH GOOD LORD NO! This is geek
city out here tonight. These are frightening, frightening people here.
uugh.
SBG: So none of your family or
anything are into it?
Me: Um, No. Not enough to turn
up here. I have many friends that are here though. I have one friend here,
most of them are scattered across the city trying to get to a cinema that
isn't absolutely chocked full of people.
SBG: (to camera babe) Do you have
any questions?
(Sexy Beanie Girl and Camera Babe
come clean in that they weren't as prepared as they possibly should have
been.)
Me: I could tell you some of the
weird things I've seen.
Lots of people dressing up as characters
that they've seen for a few brief seconds on the preview. I can't help
but feel that's a bit hypocritical myself.
(Blah, Blah, Blah, I continue to
dig for witty repartee to impress the ladies until one of the Theatre Sports
beginners that I know ambles by.)
Me: Oh NO! Tell me you're not watching
this film!
Yustein: (I hope that's how he
spells his name) Yeh I am.
Me: You're so wrong. So,... bad
Yustein: Why, What have I done
wrong.
Me: You've caved into the market
strength of George Lucus.
Yustein: I have. That's not a good
thing?
Me: No. Why aren't you in line?
Yustein: Does anybody out there
want a ticket?
Me: How come you're selling it?
Yustein: Because I've already got
one. I'm already in. I got myself a good seat.
Me: Ha Ha.
Yustein: So no-one here wants a
ticket? I got a ticket here. I just sold one for thirty bucks.
Me: THIRTY BUCKS?
Yustein: And now I'm almost (like)
giving this away.
Me: Oh, we've got that on tape,
you're in so much trouble. George Lucus is gonna come kick your butt.
Yustein: So what are you doing
here?
Me: We're all interviewing each
other. er, I'm doing a web page about the madness.
Yustein: Do you want me to
look a bit mad?
Me: How long have you been waiting
here?
Yustein: I've been waiting here
since four o'clock.
Me: I think that's mad enough.
Interview Terminated owing partly
to me getting a little too aggressive (I think. Apparently while I was
answering Camera Babe was rolling her eyes at my sister who merely shugged)
Yustein goes off to attempt to
sell his ticket to unsuspecting fools. (I later found out that he was unsuccessful).
A few other things I saw that amused:
Darth Maul answering a mobile phone.
Maul in the mall. (groan now)
The line stretched around the renovations
going on in the Queen Street Mall. At one point the noise was so loud that
the Regent cinema offered courtesy earplugs. I wonder if anyone used them
during the movie.
The Darth Maul who was on the mobile
phone didn't want to go to the effort of putting real spikes on his hair
so he spiked his hair. It didn't quite work the same.
As I walked past the crowd one
final time my sister overheard one gentleman comment to his partner about
me "Hey that's him". Infamy at last.
Interestingly enough, the following
night I mentioned my shenanigans to a friend from Theatre Sports (Hi to
Elena) and she mentioned that her friends were talking about some strange
guy taking pictures with a digital camera. I'm busted.
At any rate I'm looking forward
to next fortnight.
Now that's something to dress up
in costume for.
Yeah baby!
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