 Would you like to watch a generic period film?Oh, I hate those! Why is it that whenever a women coughs, it ends up being the onset of a fatal illness.  | What?You watch! A little *caff caff* 20 minutes in and you just know that she’ll be dropped into a hole 60 minutes later.  | You have no heart.I mean, don’t these people have vitamin C? Eat a frickin’ orange for God’s sake.I wish I could drop you into a hole.  |
It says here that ignoring your partner is the most offensive thing you can do, out-ranking ’striking’, ’abusing’ and ’cursing’. | |  |
My herb garden isn’t doing very well.They say that plants benefit from being talked to. |  | ALRIGHT YOU FOLIAGE SPROUTING, ROOT SPREADING, SLUT OF A WEED!!! PROPERGATE LIKE THE FILTHY MUD STAINED WHORE THAT YOU ARE!!! |
| Hi.umm...hello. | I thought you’d asked the owner of the womb that spawned you to stop spying on us.I did. What makes you think she hasn’t? | Well, the pair of false teeth embedded in the windowsill of the UPSTAIRS bathroom was a bit of a giveaway.That would explain the loud thud we heard last night. |
| | So...how’s the invisibility potion then? |
Would you please clean the shower recess of the clumps of hair you lose in the morning?It just means I’m more manly. | If you don’t do something about it, I certainly will.If you want to find a way to stop my hair falling out, be my guest. | A few predictable days later. Oh God Help!! Someone replaced my shampoo with superglue and now my head is stuck to the nozzle. Oh GOD!! I can’t turn the cold water off!!!! AIIIIIIIIIIY!!!!! So manly. |
| I saw Dave today, just a chance meeting in the street. It was surreal, he walked up to me to shake hands and I just drove my fist into his face. His limp body flew backwards and crashed with a sickening thud into the pavement.Dear God Tyler! He was your best friend.I know, I was horrified myself at the time, right up until I remembered a telling moment in our history. | He introduced us.Oh...that’s right...fucker. | |