 You know, the most peculiar thing happened to me today.Uh huh.  | I was walking along the footpath, and I heard a lot of yelping. When I turned around, there was a wild pack of dogs chasing after me.I don’t suppose you could offer any insight as to why that was? | Well, It may be because I soaked your pants in beef last night... or perhaps the dogs just preferred something hairy, smelly and infested with fleas. |
It has to stop, and it has to stop now.I don’t know what you’re talking about. | That system that pipes ’scary clown music’ into the bathroom whenever someone is in there.There’s nothing scary about clown music. | I haven’t been able to,.. go,.. for a week now.Clown’s ARE funny! |
 ALL ABOARD! | HUFF. HUFF. HUFF. HUFF-A HUFF-A HUFF-A HUFF-A, WOOOOOOOO!What are you watching in there? | OK, EVERYBODY OUT!Some old gang bang movie I’d forgotten I’d had. Wow, they don’t make porn stars like they used to. I didn’t think she’d be able to walk away from that train crash. |
| I was quite disappointed to find that the face on Mars turned out to be simple tricks of the light.No kidding. | Yeah, Kind of like how you actually have a face but a trick of the light turns it into a crater pocked, canal fed wasteland. | If you thought Mars was the god of war,....I’m already running! |
I got some cool noise-cancelling headphone buds.Wasting your money on stupid gimmicks just to listen to music. That’s so lame. | Music?OH, Very Funny! You know,.. You can be a complete ba,.... click   |  |
Have you been sending me blackmail again? | What makes you ask such a preposterous thing? | I received some extremely bizarre pictures of black men having sex...again.Oh, that. No, it’s just your early birthday present. |
| *whisper* *whisper* *whisper* | Tyler...are you praying?? You do know that God doesn’t exist, right?MONIQUE, NOOOO!!! | POP! You know, this is all your fault Monique.  |