 Dear Lord! That fancy new coffee you bought is awful!Don’t blame me, you made it this mor....Dear Lord!  | Wait a minute, fancy new coffee from a pretty ’urn’ shaped container?That’s the one. Perhaps we could give the rest to one of your relatives we don’t like.  | One of my relatives!? That’s rich, you stupid bastard! We’re drinking grandma!  |
The Traditional Setup Will you love me when I’m old and wrinkled? | The Traditional Punchline Of course I do dear. | Tyler’s actual answer Don’t be retarded you slack mole. |
So, how was that jazz cd my cousin gave you?I say hello to him once at one of your godawful family gettogethers and he thinks I’m his ticket to stardom. | A regular band will usually play music with instruments. Whatever the hell your cousin was doing would be best adopted as an "interrogation" method at Guantanamo Bay.Not as good as he says he is, huh? | Hardly. I thought I was listening to a horn and elephant scrotum orgy. Naturally, my producer friends loved it.Naturally. |
| Darling, I was looking over the credit card bills, and I found an unusual charge.It wasn’t a hooker! | I didn’t say it was...Oh. Good! Nevermind then.You hired a hooker? | Nah. It’s just porn.So we still have to have sex?Afraid so. |
This place is so dusty.Then maybe you should do some dusting.I’m not doing dusting. That’s a chick’s job.  | A chick’s job?Yeah. Hey, where are you going?To get a broom. | Oh, Good.You better start running.ah, fuck |
Great Tits! | I’m reading an article about birdlife.Oh. | Nice boobies!Cock! |
| I’ve been thinking about Terri Schiavo.She’s dead now Tyler. Just leave her be.I was just wondering if the orderlies needed to use vaseline on her like they did Uma in ’Kill Bill.’ |  | I would not say such things if I were you.Why not? You can’t hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love.What were we talking about? |